God be with you!

I wish I had words to ease the ache in my own heart and what feels like a slow, painful separation from those I have come to love here in Madagascar. On one hand, I want next Tuesday to come as soon as possible in order to move onto the next step and get all of these ‘good-byes’ over with. On the other hand, I want this week to go slowly so then those ‘good-byes’ are not realized.

The last few days I have spent in the office wrapping up final projects, cleaning out my desk, and pretty much just being present. It has allowed time for much reflection and each day I find myself withdrawing more and more. I suppose it is a defense mechanism, bracing myself for the ultimate severing of ties.

If there is one word I hate, it is ‘good-bye.’ It has this harsh finality to it and once uttered there is an automatic emotional detachment. Perhaps I hate good-byes because I have done them so much the past few years. They never get easier, possibly even harder. I wish there was a way to pass through the pain of saying good-bye but then that would be denying something special once existed.

Over the past six months, there have been times when I thought this moment would never arrive. I have gone through my share of highs and lows during this period of time. Nevertheless there has been one constant, amazing people surrounding me brightening my life.
Since January, I have been riding the climax of all the time, energy, and emotions I have put into my experience here. It has been the last eight weeks that the intimacy of the relationships I have had here has come to fruition. I have come to appreciate, know, and love the people more fully and I think they in return also.

Moments like this it is so easy to question God ‘why.’ Why did He call me to a work that requires frequent separation? Why are we still on this earth experiencing broken relationships? Why can’t there be a guarantee that I will see these people again and when I do it will feel just as normal and beautiful as it does right now?

Regardless, I am blessed to know the pain of my heart torn into fragments because it also means I have also known intense joy. It would be even more painful to leave Madagascar and not feel any emotion at all.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the origin of the word good-bye. It originally was ‘God be with you.’ I think I like this version better because it does not represent something broken but rather a wish for the person you are separating from. I have so many wishes for my friends here: I wish them the greatest success and happiness; I wish them to appreciate their lives, culture, and community even though there are many challenges; and ultimately, I wish to meet again someday.

So Madagascar -- God be with you!