Heaven on Earth

Last night while lying awake in bed waiting to fall into a peaceful slumber, I asked myself a question for the first time, “why do I do this?” And by “this” I mean living in Africa: the place where you visibly see the war between good and evil. I witness on a daily basis raw humanity. There are many days where I wake up in the morning excited about the work that I do, the place I live, and the people I am surrounded by and then by 6 o’clock at night, I wish with every fiber in my being I was on the other side of the planet as far away from this mess as possible living in a naïve bubble.

You would think that I would have asked myself this question years ago, perhaps before I even got myself into this craziness, but I suppose I have never questioned myself because I have always known the answer…

One of the most memorized and well-known passages in the Bible is Matthew 6:9-13 – the Lord’s Prayer. It begins, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed by thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” While at Eastern last year, a theological discussion took place surrounding these verses. It was the first time I was presented with the concept that God’s kingdom can come on this earth – now, today and not only His will carried out.

After months on end of poverty staring me in the face every time I look out my window, this notion makes sense. For example: if I asked a hungry man what he thought heaven would be like, I could imagine that the first thing he would say is Heaven is a place where no one goes hungry. If I asked a hungry Malagasy, I am 100% positive they would say heaven would have as much rice as you could possibly eat. I know that I have plenty of food to eat, enough that I could share my blessings with someone around me. Thus, through such an action, God’s kingdom would be coming to the recipient’s life today. It is not necessary or acceptable that they wait until they enter the pearly gates to have the joy of a full stomach.

Continuing this train of thought, if I asked a homeless woman what heaven would be like for her, I anticipate an elaborate description of her mansion including pretty decorations, carpeted floors, and a bed to lay her head on each night. What if I asked a mother who just lost her son to tribal conflict and war? I think she would describe heaven as a peaceful place where there is no fear or death. Of course these are all big, complicated, and difficult issues to find solutions to which can be so overwhelming it becomes paralyzing. But I believe that God’s strength and grace is sufficient enough to empower me to help realize his kingdom in the little corner of the world I reside in. Imagine what this world would be like if everyone was doing their part to help realize God’s kingdom here, today.

Thus lies the answer to my own question. I do “this” in order to live out God’s kingdom now. It is a conviction that is placed on my heart, albeit sometimes waning by the end of the day. Thankfully, the sun always rises and with it another opportunity to live heaven now by helping hungry children grow food; presenting HIV/AIDs awareness in an effort to save someone’s mother, son, sister, or child from a preventative disease; or building roads which provides a community access to markets in order to be economically successful.

So now I ask the question, which I have also never asked before, how can the people around me and you experience the kingdom of God in their own lives today? Oh God, may thy kingdom come on this earth as it is in heaven.

(This was written a few weeks ago but never posted)

Learning How to Dance

Ever since I was young I have always wanted to learn how to dance. I love to watch people dancing covet-ly wishing I too was experiencing what appears to be a blissful world outside of yourself. I didn’t really grow up in the boogieing sort of family, except weddings or other such formal occasions. Dancing has always been one of those actions you should have been taught at a young age, kind of like how to ride a bike or cook microwave popcorn, but now that I don’t know how, it is somewhat thwarting to try. I have learned lately that dancing is more than just moving your feet and swaying your hips but rather an act of letting go and allowing something outside of yourself to take over. Integrating into a new culture is sort of like dancing: it requires graceful action, understanding the steps, and respecting the force outside of yourself moving you forward.

When I lived in Tanzania the hardest part was my lack of social connections and personal relationships with the local community. I have realized over the past few years that this is vital for my happiness. Therefore, when I left Tanzania I vowed that I would never return to Africa long-term. Unconsciously, I think I was relating my unhappiness to my location and not where it deserved, my deprived relational soul.
The past five months in Madagascar have gone by – some days at a crawling pace and others, I blink and the week is behind me. So now instead of thinking how long I have been here, I am thinking how much time I have left, only six weeks.

Regardless of how frustrating things are at times and the loneliness that creeps in unwelcomed, Ambositra has become a place familiar thus creating some sense of peace. The greatest lesson I have learned since living in Madagascar is how to live in Madagascar, in all aspects of life. Sometimes it is easier to crawl into an isolated shell than navigate your way through cultural taboos and cross-cultural communication, which at times feel like massive hurdles in attempting to create community.

The past five months I have attempted to penetrate into this community I am surrounded by and find a place there, even so out of my element I sometimes feel. I have learned that I need to take part in the life of those around me in order to be a part of it, which I think is the case in all circumstances but even more so when you don’t speak the same language and come from different cultures. You cannot expect them to enter your world because they have no reference what that is or what it looks like.

Over the past five months, the Malagasy have embraced me; however, it was up to me to allow that to happen. It required letting go, confronting insecurities, and often times being put in awkward, uncontrollable situations. As a result, I have gained a community who loves me and protects me. I have never been loved for something as simple as sitting down and sharing a bowl of rice, shooting some hoops, or attending a church service. I am amazed at the bonds that can be forged despite knowing so little about someone and the inability to even inform them.

Twenty-four years later, I have finally learned how to dance. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a long way to go in the rhythm department but I have the first step down: letting go and enjoying life outside of what I previously understood it to be.

Redefining Definitions

I remember the first day of class at Eastern our professor asked us to define development. In fact, we were asked to define pretty much everything. Throughout the year, we became more aware of all the details involved in our definitions and sometimes it was helpful and other times it just made life seem like a gray mass, everything blending together. Since being in the field, I have had the opportunity to put those definitions to the test.

Yesterday I went to the field for the first time in a long time due to my 3-week hiatus out of Madagascar and few opportunities prior to that. It is always a welcome reprieve from the office to step out into the countryside and mingle with the majority of people who make up this country’s population.

The mission of yesterday’s trip was to escort some ladies from the Ministry of Agriculture and introduce them to some of the farmers we work with in the field. I personally was going in search of a success story for a report I am writing for our donors. We were going to Andina, a commune about 20 kilometers east of the office and a location I have never been to before.

We jostled through some of the most beautiful countryside I have seen thus far. Along the way we passed a Norwegian funded school, a well-built church - much nicer than the surrounding houses, countless rice fields and orchards, and an amazing house built on the edge of a cliff with a panoramic view of the valley – a very difficult structure to build obviously done by a wealthy owner. Along the way, I was told that the people of Andina are known as being business people.

Upon reaching Andina, we ventured down the mountainside, followed by what seemed to be half the village, to the plots where our Farmer Field School (FFS) is practicing agriculture techniques. We sat down in the grassy shade while the ladies from the Ministry of Agriculture consulted the farmers on their troubles with insects and diseases killing their plants. I learned all about biological pesticides – like how to use ash and local plants to kill insects on trees and even how to collect, ferment, and use zebu cow urine as a pesticide.

All throughout this trip I was thinking of my definitions and how life and development is not so easy to define sometimes. After the Q&A on insects, plant diseases, and cow urine I interviewed some of ADRA’s FFS members asking how ADRA has impacted their lives and the community. Throughout the interview, a common theme emerged: relationships. The members testified that through this group of farmers, initiated by ADRA, they have become a tight community forging bonds within themselves and other FFS groups in the area. A new friendliness exists between them and they are even now able to rely on one another with personal problems.

The FFS members mentioned the techniques they have learned as a result of their partnership with ADRA as well as the income generating activities now offered but you could hear in their voices that relationships were the most valuable outcome.
While driving back to the office after the field visit to Andina, I was reflecting on all of this thinking that I may need to redefine my definitions. My original definition of development didn’t include community and relationships but rather the other things this group mentioned like economic sustainability. Along the way, my thoughts were interrupted by the beautiful harmony of my five fellow passengers singing in unison to a Malagasy song, this sound reinforced my redefinition.

2010 Recap

I can honestly say that 2010 has been one of the best years of my twenty-three years thus far. I can look back over the past twelve months without regrets and be proud of what I have achieved and where I am today geographically, spiritually, and emotionally. 2010 has undoubtedly been a year with extreme highs and lows. In the midst of the hard times, I have seen answered prayers, personal growth, and the testing of faith resulting in perseverance.

Ever since January 2010, I have made a conscious effort to find the joy in my suffering. I must admit that this is one of the greatest challenges I have ever placed upon myself but the one that has taught me unforgettable lessons drawing me closer to God as a result. January never really seems to be my month as my past dictates bad things always happen and January 2010 was no exception. Regardless of the events that took place, months later I can see how those experiences challenged me to be a different person and offered blessings I never imagined.

February through May presented challenges of their own as I was working on my masters degree and trying to determine where to go on field semester. These were stressful months but I am so grateful for them. While in graduate school at Eastern, I met some of the most amazing people in my life and during this time we shared our dreams, trials, aspirations, worldviews, and heart aches together creating special bonds. Whether they knew it or not, this group taught me how to be a better Christian, offered support and healing through relationships, community, and solidarity. Even though these months were trying, I had an amazing support group and formed life-long friendships.

June 2, 2010 was one of the best days of my life and the highlight of this year with the birth of my niece Jocelyn Hope. I will never forget the first time I met her in the hospital- so tiny and helpless. It was the first time I have experienced love at first sight, which is one of the most overwhelming feelings I can ever imagine knowing. More frequently than I expected my arms ache to hold this baby, which captured my heart at first glimpse.

July – August were special months spent with friends, family, and myself. I was no longer in classes and just waiting to go overseas so I had quality time to think, pray, and ponder the road behind and before me. In four weeks I stayed at five different residences. I am very appreciative of my hosts hospitality and generosity; however, I became strikingly aware of my nomadic lifestyle igniting my desire for a semi-permanent location all the while being challenged to accept that my true home is not on this earth and no matter where I lay my head at night, home is in my heart.

From the end of August to November I was stretched beyond what I thought was possible. I arrived in Madagascar August 25th: only the beginning of what I thought was already eight months packed of overcome obstacles and personal growth. I was shocked by how un-prepared I felt considering my previous international experiences and academic background. I learned so much about life, God, the development field, and myself and was daily forced out of my comfort zone. Most astonishing to me is how much human beings, myself most of all, underestimate what we are capable of until we go through the fire. I am so glad these months are behind me but I can look back and see how vital they were for my future.

Along with December 2010 can a long awaited trip to Kenya. It was filled of laughter, meditation, re-connected and reconciled relationships, and a break from life I didn’t realized how badly I needed until it was upon me. Kenya feels the most like home on this side of the world and I truly appreciate my family there who always welcome me with open arms and generous hearts.

So it is with bittersweet feelings that I close 2010; however, I am looking forward to another beginning: good and bad included. My life is still as uncertain as it always seems to be. However, I have 2010 as an example of unexpected blessings and answered prayers giving me hope for 2011.