Feeding Strangers

“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien

There is something that I have learned in my short 27years of life and that is the unexpected is usually more fun, and if not more fun, definitely memorable which is then special. Over the last few years I have been a bit more daring trying to create distinct memories, like the time I ate ox testicles in Kenya. I didn't do it because I really wanted to eat testicles. I tried it for the sake of a shared experience with my friends, one that no one else can share. At the time I wasn't sure if it was worth it purely for the sake of an experience but now I will never forget the time I ate ox balls in Nairobi. 

About a month ago, my workplace asked if anyone was willing to host some visitors at their homes for dinner. Since I am quite new, I was guaranteed to not know anyone. Despite that fact, I agreed. Why not? It's one night of cooking a little extra food, barrow my sister's hostess hat and meet some (hopefully) cool new people. Regardless, I didn't know what to expect. All I knew were their names and where they lived. 

In addition to creating cool memories, I also saw it as a chance to give back. I have traveled in many different countries and the hospitality I received made all the difference on many occasions changing my opinion of a certain culture or time in space. I have been fed anything from rice and beans, fish heads, a glass full of pure honey and other unrecognizable substances. 

After two weeks of agonizing on what to serve, I finally pulled it together and made it happen. Now with food allergies, preferences and cultural taste buds in the mix, making  a meal isn't an easy feat despite how glamorous my sister makes it look. I suppose there is beauty in inviting someone over unexpectedly, you don't have time to worry about all of those silly things.

The day finally arrived and we met. They were a bit older than I was expecting, but nonetheless kind and interesting. They had some pretty cool stories and life experiences. We shared an evening together and if I hadn't agreed, would have missed out. My memory of that evening would have been jumbled together with the others just like it spent on the sofa watching a movie. Perhaps it is a bit selfish of me using other people to make my life more memorable but they were sincerely grateful and adamantly said so. 

Now I have this memory of that one evening we hosted two strangers in our home. We laughed. We talked. We ate. I stressed out about what to cook. We shared and now hopefully both of our lives are richer for it.

Despite all of that, it proved to me once again that life is meant for memory making, if only every day was filled with a memorable moment we could carry in our bank for ever. I need to be careful though, Gab is going to get ahold of this blog post and remind me I need to make memories by doing something not within my semi-comfort zone such as feeding strangers but rather something like climbing a tree in underwear or watching Si-Fi in animal suits while eating cheese naan (which I have already done).

##Happy (Smiley Face)

Happiness seems to be a buzz word lately. It's as if there has been a new awakening among people, happy or not, for a renewed effort to be happy -- sort of that it's a new or forgotten concept and that happiness is almost a fad, which is quite unfortunate if that is the case. Perhaps it is just me whose lived under a giant, disconnected rock called Africa for the last 3+ years, I was quite ignorant to people's state of happiness or even more so their unhappiness. It is easy to be blind to the ebbs and flows of a society when you are not an active participant. I have found this to be the case on many topics not just this one.

In recent months I have become increasingly aware of the happiness revival: 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams sweeping the nation and the world, #100daysofhappiness, a plethora of smiley faces and more discussions among friends and colleagues about this thing called happy(ness). Don't get me wrong, happiness is a beautiful thing; however, isn't this a deeper reflection of our own unhappiness as a society that we now are hashtagging, creating visual and audible cues that 'oh, I should be happy' questioning as if life was supposed to be anything different?

I mentioned in my last blog post that I would be giving up my SMART phone. In my first few months back in the United States I was quite dependent on it. After living for several years within a 5mile radius, I had lost my sense of direction which was very frustrating. Constantly moving from couch to couch, city to city, my SMART phone allowed me to navigate my way but also stay connected at all times to my significant other while doing international long distance.

Once we were reunited, we agreed for many reasons to get ride of the SMART phone. Neither one of us had used such a device for several years, if ever, and having a high-tech gadget seemed like a luxury not a necessity. We were also forced to start consolidating our lives, including finances, and having a SMART phone just doesn't work in our budget at the moment. We also became quite aware how society was choosing for us how we should live -- through an app. We decided to become resistant instead of transformative.

I must admit, it was harder than I expected. I kept prolonging the day that I would give it up. Gabs starting making fun of me, annoyingly asking if I was courageous enough to live without it. We went to AT&T to ask about a new sim card for a 'normal' phone. The guy eager to help rushed to the back, switched my number to a 'regular' sim and came back saying my micro-sim was no longer in use. I think my jaw hit the floor. I was a bit in shock. I wasn't ready to give it up that day but no choice now, all sorted with a smile.

As difficult as it was initially to give it up, it has been surprisingly easy to live without it. Our lives are a bit more inconvenient per other people's standards but it has increased our #happiness. It has forced us to communicate more in terms of planning routes, discovering new places because we get lost or start up random conversations with strangers because we aren't plugged into a device allowing us to passive-aggressively ignore the world. We also spend more time together because now connecting to the other world means intentionally getting on a computer, which most of the time I can't be bothered with outside of 8am-4pm Monday-Friday.

The most shocking thing since giving up the SMART phone is realizing how reliant the rest of the world is on it. We have become quite sensitive now to people on their SMART phones and how they interact with the world. It is very sad to see a group of friends 'eating' dinner together at a restaurant while all are spending their time together in cyber space. It is even sadder to see parents automatically handing off tablets, ipads and phones to their children in periods of stillness teaching them that they also need to be connected to something outside of their physical sphere. Living as a pedestrian with 80% of drivers on their phone, I have been nearly road kill on a weekly basis. And all of this has just been a sad mirroring of what my own life was just a few months ago.

What is the long-term key to your happiness?

Happiness is an everyday thing lasting longer than 100 days or the life of someone else's 4:08minute music video. I have learned that a life of simplicity and balance is when I have true happiness. My happy place lies in quality, genuine relationships. It is also the silent moments not filled with noise: music, beeps, buzzes or alerts.

Happiness -- it's in everyday, all around you.

Side-Walker

My American life now is very different than what I thought it would be. When I made the decision to return to the U.S. after almost four years living overseas, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I didn't contemplate how exactly it wasn't going to be easy and the details of all of that. I just knew.

A month after settling into life in Baltimore, I find myself being a bit of an odd ball. I can be an American because, well, I am white; and not that non-white people aren't American, they are, there's just not as much speculation living in a U.S. metropolitan city that I would be from Thailand, India or Switzerland. I am most definitely an American based on my level of student loan debt but not many people see that. Many people have commented on my accent: some say I am a Nuw Yawka, another guessed eastern European and others just don't know. When I tell people I don't have a car, they look at me with pity like I have lost something more important than a limb and almost apologize for how challenging my life must be.

I have become a side-walker - literally and metaphorically. I have seen and continue to see into the lives of other people from the periphery, trying to take the good and bad all for personal growth and good use.

In the last month, I have walked several miles to the grocery store and back, home from work, to the coffee shop, taking a stroll or just meeting people for dinner. I am a pedestrian. I have realized that life is a lot more vulnerable when you are not a car owner. I am subject to it all: beggars, weather, dogs and drivers on their cell phones swerving to miss hitting me while I cross the street when it's my turn signaled by that little man in the box who turned from red to white.

It looks safe and warm inside those cars. It looks comfortable, convenient. It is much faster than whatever means of transportation I am taking whether it be a bus, metro, light rail or my own two feet. While living in the U.S., I have never known life without a vehicle, until now. But I have learned more about Joe Smith walking down the street talking on his phone in much higher decibels than necessary speaking of taking a relationship to the next level or Jim Bob on the train calling his Mama about how maaaddd he be at Susie. Thus far I have fought the urge to buy ear buds in an effort to tune my and the rest of the world out in an effort to experience the world for what it is, despite unpleasantries.

Aside from the literal side-walking activities I have done of late, I find that my greatest challenge is in my mind - daily walking on all sides of my education, life experience and spiritual upbringing. I am a hodgepodge. I am becoming more and more resistant to norms. Perhaps I live in one of the most dangerous cities in the world because I am used to living in adventure. My refrigerator only contains food for this week because my British partner has taught me other people live with one the size of a shoe box and survive. In a month, I am abandoning my smart phone for a Haitian Chinese Nokia. My apartment is full of African art. I am strange, or so the world around me and the voices of my past experience at battle with each other tell me.

I am trying to embrace my place in my strange-ness. I notice that it challenges people, even makes them uncomfortable. When I tell someone I am walking a mile home, they get a sense of obligation to drive me verbalizing that it is too far to walk. Or when I offer to pay for dinner, I get a sense of surprise and shock that people still do that. The man asking for food outside the grocery store who I gave bananas too, he was taken-aback that anyone would actually fulfill his request.

I have American blood in my veins, Jesus in my heart, British in my vocabulary, second-hand store on my person and the desire to live simply from the poor in Africa.

This is me.

Crotchety Old Lady am I

I am an old soul. In fact, it's official - I am old! This isn't really a secret because Gabs has been telling me this fact for a long time but I wasn't ready to believe him - until now. In fact, he sometimes describes me as a "boring adult" which sadly I am ok with. One week after my 27th birthday, I am ready to admit it: my youth is fading and my age is ripening. How do I know this? In the last three months I have lived out of the same suitcase and in/on 17 different hotels, homes, cabins, wagons, hostels, and couches in 5 different states and 4 countries and I am SO tired!

I want my own kitchen, front door, thermostat(!) and most of all my own bed with my own boring routine without any cats, dogs, rats, kids, chickens, sheep or roommates. See! I am crotchety! I can imagine that 18 year young me would be enjoying this adventure but 27 year old me is beginning to forget who 18 year young me is. The tenacity of a vagabond is commendable. The flexibility of permanent couch surfers is admirable. And a studio apartment with a 10 o'clock bed time, morning news, 8-5pm job, and a cup of chai tea sounds as exciting as the time I jumped out of a plane skydiving in Cape Town, South Africa.

Old lady aspirations aside, these cats and kids and couches and countries have demonstrated to me that I am loved. There are amazing people out there: family, friends, in- laws and strangers. Generosity is alive and well and I am proof of that, just read my itinerary above or check my passport. As the old saying goes, "it is more blessed to give than to receive" -- sure, I can agree with that but being on the flip, receiving side these last few months, I can say that I am blessed! Perhaps it is a blessing to give but it is a humbling challenge to receive.

I hope someday when I truly am an old lady, say after 30, I will be just as generous and hospitable to such a wanderer as myself. But instead of a roommate and a dog, perhaps I will have a husband and a duck. I hope I will be flexible to accept frantic same-day crashing requests, generous to pay for a meal and exceptional in giving $100 to a friend just to help "fill the gaps."

The last three months has been filled with much more than 17 beds, 4 countries and 5 states. It has been filled with sweet conversations, tender kisses, laughter, zip lines, food and love.
Thank you friends!