Banana Bread

I have forgotten how to be a neighbor. I remember as a child that my mother was always a shining example of neighborly behavior. She hosted block Christmas parties, took us around regularly to say 'hello' to our elderly neighbors who gave us candy and my parents just knew the names, faces and families on our block. Even though it was a poorer neighborhood with drug dealers and gang members, I never felt unsafe as a child. Perhaps it was that childhood innocence but I think it was also the fact that there is security in knowing who lives around you.

Laying more on the introverted side of the spectrum, I tend not to make the first move socially. I think even more than that is my fear that people are busy and don't want to be bothered. They are looking at their phone, rushing to their car, walking a dog or toting a child. We, myself included, have placed ourselves in a bubble that reads the same as an 'unwelcome' sign outside our door.

Being married to an extrovert and someone who isn't afraid of people, I have been challenged by my spouse to be different in my recent neighborly behavior. I lament about my desire to know and be close to those around me, but the social barriers that we put up plus my hesitancy to be a bother clashes. Plus, I feel like I am the newbie in town, people should reach out to me and not the other way around.

So with my husbands encouragement and my baking skills we set off to conquer the beast within me. Sunday night I stayed up late sweating in our tiny kitchen making banana bread. The goal was to give banana bread to our neighbors the following morning. Husband and I struck a compromise. He wanted to knock on the door and hand deliver the banana bread provoking a conversation. I wanted to leave it anonymously outside their door. We left it outside their door with a sticky note disclosing our identify.

In the wake of this banana bread, the response has been shocking. I expected a simple 'thank-you' from the recipients but we have gotten so much more than that. One neighbor has now organized drinks after work one evening inviting the rest of the neighbors in our building. Another personally came to our door giving us new neighborly tips in regards to parking. And lastly, I had a conversation more than just 'hello' with a guy living across from us.

It is very encouraging to see such a positive response. My ultimate desire would be to rent a bouncy castle, shut down the street and host a block party. I am not sure I am ready to do that just yet, maybe after I bake some chocolate chip cookies, hand out a Christmas basket and a potted plant. Due to the response, I think all of us are looking for the same thing - friendship and relationship. We all experience loneliness and desire a sense of belonging.

Facebook breakup!

I am shutting down my Facebook. It's decided. After hemming and hawing about it for several months, I am going to follow through on this.

There are several reasons why I am closing my account.

1.) I am a person who highly values meaningful, organic, quality relationships. My needs as an individual in the realm of people isn't satisfied but rather aggravated by Facebook. I desire to be in that photo with a friend, drinking a cup of coffee at that coffee shop tagged in your status update or sharing that laugh instead of 'lol-ing' online.

So how am I going to accomplish this in a cyber age, long-distance relationship friendship world I live in?

I want to become more intentional about my interactions with people. So instead of sending a Facebook message on your birthday, I want to go to the store, buy a card and send it to you. I also want to fill my time with other things than screens, so I am going to try to know and love my neighbors more, do meaningful things for the people around me and play with my dog if there is absolutely nothing else to do -- which I am sure she'll appreciate.

2.) I want to be more creative than status updates and uploading photos. As a kid, I always enjoyed going through the family albums. There is nothing like a photograph to bring back memories and nostalgia. My first personal goal is to start these for my family. Take those online photos and put them in an album that I and my family can enjoy.

In an effort to be creative in my writing as well as not completely sever my long-distance friendships, I will post weekly on my blog site. So instead of keeping me on your Facebook friends list, you can favorite my blog site and intentionally check me out. This is a commitment on both of our parts. I want to keep you informed and involved in my life wherever you are by writing posts or uploading a photo and you can express intentionality by visiting my blog -- which is a bit harder than checking me out with your other 200+ Facebook friends over your morning coffee.

Hopefully this new 'relationship' will be more meaningful for both of us.

3.) I want to simplify.

4.) I don't want to learn about your life electronically. Don't be afraid - come visit, let's set up a Skype chat or phone call or send me a text message.

So stay tuned! First blog post coming Sunday, August 30th!

Changing Lives with L.A.C.E.S.

As I look back over my few years of life, the majority of it is fragmented into the different sport activities I was involved in. From ages 2 - 10, most of my memories surround around swimming at the lake, swimming lessons at the local high school, having Grandma make that new season's bathing suit, etc.

The first time I ever tried out for a sport was when I was 16. I was in high school and I was encouraged to try out for the basketball team. There weren't really enough interested students in the school for it to be a true try-out, but I do remember being nervous nonetheless. I had never played basketball before outside of PIG or HORSE in the driveway and doing it in a team with your peers made it that much more nerve racking.

After high school, I continued to play intramural and pick-up basketball. It is a sport that taught me a lot about my own abilities, confidence, team work and unity among a diverse group of people. Basketball was what connected me to my colleagues and neighbors in Madagascar who I couldn't communicate with due to language barriers.

Now my husband and I try to play tennis and indoor soccer in an effort to be a "fit couple," as he likes to label it. I never thought that sports would follow me in my career. I always saw it as a personal hobby or social outlet to my life. With my new job, I have the opportunity to help create the same experience through sports that I had but for children in Liberia.

L.A.C.E.S. (Life and Change Experienced thru Sports) is a grassroots non-profit started in Liberia post civil war. L.A.C.E.S. uses sport to teach vulnerable youth morals and values with the intention of impacting change within communities. L.A.C.E.S. is a Christian organization that uses the Bible as a tool in demonstrating leadership, respect and honor.

I have been brought as the Director of Operations to help L.A.C.E.S. implement a new five year strategy and seek funding through grants. If you would like to know more about L.A.C.E.S., please check out our website at www.laces.org. And stay tuned for a new website rolling soon.

Below is a short video that gives you an idea of what L.A.C.E.S. is about!

http://vimeo.com/30864655

If you would like more information about L.A.C.E.S. and the work we are doing in Liberia, let me know!

The Year of Grey Hair

In 2014, I started a new job, moved to new city, got married (and all that entailed marrying a foreign national) and then quit that new job. It was a year full of transition. We experienced a lot of answered prayers, waiting, blessings and growing pains. We had no idea how all of that was going to work out. Exactly one year ago, I was spending my day’s fervently job searching, knowing that was the key for everything else to fall into place for us.

Through all of this change and transition, I learned a lot about myself and how I handle personal stress. I am fairly certain that 2014 was the year that brought on my new grey hair, which is a daily reminder when I look in the mirror to de-stress. The cap-stone lesson of 2014 was quitting my job.

I quit the Dragon Boat team a few months ago, which was highly dysfunctional and full of way-to-intense competitors for a charity event. Aside from that, I have never quit anything that I can remember. I never quit a class in college or my high school basketball team. I have definitely never quit a job, until yesterday.

I realized how much I internalize stress even though I don’t want to. I became more aware of my inability to be confrontational when I am vulnerable. I learned how an overhanging issue affected my mood for days on end even though I wasn't directly addressing it or dealing with it in the moment.

I almost held myself back from a great new opportunity because of my guilt. Whether warranted or not, I never knew before how guilt can completely incapacitate a person. I thought that I knew that quitting my job would let me boss down, it would let my team down and even myself. 

I put benchmarks in my mind of what was acceptable work etiquette: being in a position for a least a year, seeing through the busiest time of the finance season, and staying long enough to prove to my boss’s boss that I wasn't a bad hire.Ultimately, I feared that quitting my job would make me look bad. It finally came to an impasse where I had to choose what I thought made me look bad and end my position or sacrifice a great career opportunity.

A few days ago, I was sitting around chatting with some wise women and my husband. They all emphatically reinforced my ability to take this next step. I was reminded that this isn't quitting, it is seeking opportunities. In the words of a sage, no one cares more about my life than I do so it is up to me to do something about it or make it what I want it to be. I am the most interested and vested in me.

So I did it. I quit.

Leading up to the actual conversation, I was sweating and unable to move. My stomach was in knots and my heart was racing. I couldn't focus. I had to tell my boss but I couldn't. I was then frustrated with myself that I was dragging this out unnecessarily. I thought to myself, ‘if only I had done this an hour ago, I would have this done and over with but I am still sitting here,’ only launching myself into another spiral of guilt and self-annoyance.

Thankfully a natural conversation opened the door to spill my news. It went better than I imagined in my mind. I was reminded that I am replaceable, no matter how important I think I am. I realized how life moves on around us whether we do or not, so I should too.

Having that 15 minute conversation over with, I can now breathe again. We can begin to look to the future and imagine a day not filled with excel spreadsheets or silent weeks living my life out in a cubicle. As I face my last few days in what was 2014’s greatest blessing, I realize that it was meant only for a season. Less than a year in, it is already time to move on. Life is changing around me and I want to keep up with it. I don’t want to remain stagnant wishing for things to be different.

So 2015 is here. My wish is that life will be a little less stressful so my hair will stop turning grey. I also wish for you that your 2015 will be like my 2014: full of unexpected blessings, answered prayers, fruitful seeking, growing pains and the start of amazing new relationships.

Cheers!