Quote by Donald Miller

"The most influential stories that we encounter aren't in books or movies but in each other."

Best Craigslist Purchase!

There she was $200 on Craigslist. I remember the first time I met her. Her name was Harley. She was twenty-five pounds of insecurity, fear and energy. Harley barked and growled at me. Despite her tough girl exterior, I could see the potential in her, a challenge to be conquered by both of us. She got into my rental front seat and refused to stay there. We fought for an hour and a half back home to stay out of my lap. I finally won by physically tying her leash to the seat belt. Our first outing together half way home didn’t go well either. We bought some food and toys and she pooped in the store, all the while second guessing my decision.

We made it home safely and in one piece, barely. That first night she sat in the kitchen speculatively, not moving and barking at every sound. Her little ears always on the alert. She was scared of the elevator, scared of the doggie green area, scared of the traffic. What a long way we had to go!

Harley met Gabs two days later. Just as we got acquainted, there was another person thrown into the mix. She growled at him and hid from him for the first 24hours. They had to settle their differences quickly as I was off to work the next day. I was quickly unseated as Harley’s favorite person and Gabs took the lime light. Pretty soon they became inseparable and Harley became Haylee.

In the first four months with Haylee, she ate chocolate sending her into the emergency room; ate a green card; and also got herself expelled from the Suarez household on more than one occasion. She ate numerous pot holders, spatulas, cutting boards, slippers and toilet paper. We learned to adapt our life and make space for this little, demanding critter. It was a painful process for all of us.

Over time Haylee became more confident. She no longer shredded the back of my legs with her nails due to her fear and need to escape. Haylee learned how to be a master Frisbee catcher, swimmer, rock climber and cuddle buddy. She annoyingly followed you like a shadow, close was never close enough.

Everyone fell in love with Haylee, the quirky unknown breed with a permanent puppy face and soft fur.

Last Labor Day weekend we went camping with Haylee to Janes Island State Park. Haylee spent her days swimming in the salt marshes, chasing her Frisbee into the Chesapeake Bay and eating left over bbq-ed ribs. She learned how to break into the tent to recover from her adventures. Haylee slept the 6 hour drive home in 90degree weather with no air conditioning stuck on the Bay Bridge.

Haylee got to spend two vacations at Grandma and Grandpa’s 22 acre property. Despite eating the Bible, she was allowed special privileges on the sofa and even got to go to church. She loved her freedom.

A few days ago, Haylee exercised her freedom one last time. Her obsession to follow scents got the better of her. Our worst nightmare came true. Haylee was hit by a car and couldn’t sustain the injuries. We experienced 20 hours of pet owner hell.

The grieving process has been just that, a process. I keep thinking, a week ago we did this, or we did that. The ‘what if’s’ make you go crazy. The flashes of guilt can be overwhelming. The feeling that I made catastrophic pet owner mistakes and she suffered as a result is haunting. Everything could have been preventable ‘if only’… The ‘what if’s’ and ‘if only’s’ didn’t happen. Reality doesn’t allow for those.

On Haylee’s last day, we enjoyed a warm cup of lemon water on the sofa while watching the morning news together. We then enjoyed a 20min play in the park before work. Her friends Hershey and Nate played with her at lunch time and gave her a treat. Right before all of our worlds shattered, she was doing what she loved – playing Frisbee. I filled her water bowl waiting for her to come inside, but she never did.

The world spins on and every hour and day that passes is bittersweet: the pain lessens a bit but at the same time it feels as though her presence is more of a memory instead of reality. The silence in the house is piercing. The lack of routine is uncomfortable. And the hardest thing is accepting that our story together ended too soon. There were things we wanted to do together. We were supposed to go for a doggie bath this weekend and enjoy working from home together on President’s Day, a hike in the arctic blast, spring camping on the C&O canal, swimming this summer and the list goes on. This is the time where life just isn’t fair.

Haylee taught me patience, unconditional love and a renewed desire to be out in nature. Every flower is meant to be smelled, every stream is to be splashed in and the ordinary bird, squirrel or deer deserves a second glance. We shared a common love for peanut butter, soft blankets, early morning walks and a mutual best friend (Gabs). All of those things aren’t the same without Haylee but they are all the more special because of her.

The BIG life!

One of the books that has changed my life is A Million Miles in a Thousand Year's by Donald Miller. Mr. Miller challenged me to live a good story. My life isn't a path laid out for me to follow but rather a trail to blaze. I am writing my life's story with my daily decisions, choices, relationships and investments.

I want my life to be a story others would want to read, and most importantly, that I myself am interested in. I have remembered this at different times and sometimes chosen the harder, more risky path for the sake of a good story. I have never been disappointed. 

Of course there are things about my life that are mundane, boring and traditional. But I like to think that my mind is in tune with the story I am writing with my life.  As I simmer in the boring and mundane moments of life, it is only fuel to the fire waiting to be lite in me to be bold, daring and adventurous when the opportunity arises. 

Mr. Miller wrote a small guide on how to start life over, whether you are 20 or 70.

Some of my favorite quotes are:

"...nobody changes at all if they don’t believe they’re supposed to."

"Get rid of anything that doesn’t need to be in your life. Realize you don’t have to be stuck in a rut."

"Warren Buffett says the secret to successful people is they have learned to say no to almost everything. They aren’t people who go around seeking security. They seek the big life."

I have seen Helen Keller's famous quote several times recently: "Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all." This quote along with Mr. Miller's guide is inviting me to continue writing my story in daring and adventurous ways. 

Guide: http://storybrand.com/downloads/Start-Life-Over.pdf 
(Even if you don't identify with the Christian faith, there are some valuable insights in this writing)

Call to Prayer

The church across from my office is closed all the time. The door is securely locked, the windows bolted, the lights off. The only thing that changes on a weekly basis is the weekly service schedule and sermon title. Some life must exist there, I just don't ever see it. It is very unfortunate as it is the most beautiful building in town. It is also strategically placed in the center of the town square. Everything else around it lives, breaths and functions on a daily basis.

I remember the first time I heard the call to prayer. I was 19 years old and freshly off the plane in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania - my first time in Africa. I was lying on a cold tile floor with only a camping mat underneath me and a thin airplane blanket to cover me. I had been up several times during the night sick with food poisoning. When the call to prayer struck, it was a jolt to my body I had never felt before. I felt like I was actually in the mosque it was so loud. I have to admit, I was a little freaked out. A man signing into a megaphone in a foreign language, to what seemed to be still the middle of the night, was a bit shocking to my feverish body and never traveled soul.

The call to prayer is very memorable. When I lived in Congo, there was a mosque on the hill across from our house. I remember it waking me up all the time when I first moved there. After a week or so, I learned to sleep through it - unlike the roosters. At certain times it was my wake up call and even a lullaby. It provided a sense of security that all was right in the town. When there was insecurity, I remember lying awake waiting for the call to prayer to give the signal that we made it through the night and day break was coming. The morning call to prayer was always distinct, I never remember hearing the others throughout the day.

At times, the call to prayer wasn't just for the Muslims. Sometimes the call to prayer saved me from my own an anxious heart. It reminded me that people were alive and the community had a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my own town.