New Year's Falsehope

I have hit a wall, writers block. This has been a tough spring and with that has sucked a lot of energy. I recently listened to a speech about how when the New Year's comes, everyone has high hopes that this will be the best year of their life but reality can be very different a few months in. Life the other 364 days of the year might not be what you imagine at 12:01am on January 1st in your black sparkle dress holding a glass of bubbly. I think I have learned over the years that no one year is the best year of my life but rather specific moments within each year are the best of my life.

It has felt like a grey cloud has hung over us since February. With Haylee's accident, the passing of my husband's grandmother, lost green card, frustrating work situation, crappy apartment issues and a ridiculous political situation - every month there is a new turn of loss or frustration. The last two weeks has been non-stop rain and grey clouds, an accurate reflection of our spring. 

There are two things that came with the loss of Haylee: our one chosen obligation tying us down to some extent and also the harsh realization that something or someone can be there one minute and gone the next. These realizations have forced us to consider what we really want for our life as well as to (try to) enjoy each day because in a minute, an hour, or a day it might be completely different.  

The last four months, we have been lying low. Waiting. Life passes us by some days, another week or month gone. It has been a very introspective time. However with this season, we have experienced new growth such as the eight new babies that have/will come into our life this year; a spiritual re-awakening for both of us; and readjusting our expectations of this 'life' experience we each have been gifted. 

To be honest, 2016 hasn't been the best year of our life - it has actually been quite horrible at times, mediocre at others, and sprinkles of joy here and there. Most importantly I think is that we have lived life. We have felt pain and sorrow, loss and grief, joy and celebration, hope and despair. 2016 isn't over yet, there is still a chance to turn this around; but if it doesn't, I know that if nothing less, I will remember 2016 unlike others because this is the year I have felt life differently. In that, there is hope.