Discontentment has been infection for as long as I can
remember. When I was in high school, I remember thinking that I will be happy
once I get to college. When I was in college, I remember thinking I will be
happy when I graduate, make money and no longer have to study on the weekends.
Once I graduated, I remember thinking that everything will be perfect when I
pay off my student loan debt. Last year, life was going to be perfect once we
had our wedding, Gabs got his residency, a job and then a shorter commute. Now
that high school is over and college is over, I have a graduate degree and five
years of post-graduate employment behind me, married, have a dog, Gabs is
employed, I have a 10min commute and I am still looking for the greener
grass. Now it looks like a house, a reliable car, still paying off that student
loan debt and those precious few weeks of yearly vacation time.
I arrived in Liberia, West Africa last night. I was welcomed
with the ever present haggling, everyone fighting to make a dollar. Rain on the
tin roof, humidity, the smell of dried fish and sweat also greeted me. Last
weekend while camping with some friends, one of them referenced our previous
life living in the Congo as “feeling so alive.” We both reflected on that
statement for a moment and responded that we did feel alive at times, and
others, it was just normal life. The potholes, failed internet, rice and beans,
cheap vacations, people carrying machetes, bright colors and crowded markets
all become part of the routine after a while just like U.S. highways, the
grocery store and every Sunday monopolized by football season.
Three weeks ago Gabs and I were strongly considering buying
a house. We spent our spare time on Zillow and realtor.com. Gabs is a dreamer
and I am a realist. When the dream can become possible, it’s full steam ahead.
We almost burnt ourselves out so fixated on this idea. We had some money
burning a hole in our pocket, high rent prices in our area and a desire for a
backyard and semi-permanent address were all too overwhelming. Once we finally
woke up to the reality that we may not want to live in suburban D.C., as that
is the only place we can afford, and that right now we are probably the least
committed to anything that we will be in our married life until we retire, why
rush? So we put a lid on it and focused our energy on finding a reliable car,
something that we could use and enjoy with a lot less commitment right now.
This grass is greener thing is a hoax. Do I really believe
that owning a house, no student loan debt and whatever else I can come up with
will make me happier? Sometimes I do, and unfortunately sometimes it blurs my
vision. In an effort to come to terms with this internal struggle, I googled a
few Buddhist ideals on contentment; there are a few teachings in Buddhism that
I really appreciate and challenge me.
This is what I found:
“Our own obsession
with economic growth seems natural to us because we have forgotten the
historicity of the “needs” we now take for granted. That includes a monetary
income in Western societies now thoroughly monetarized and commodified, where
almost anything can be converted into anything else through a common medium of
exchange. Since our needs (or rather our wants) are now taken for granted as
defining our common humanity as much as universal human rights do, we are
encouraged to forget what for Buddhism is an essential human attribute if we
are to be happy: the need for self-limitation.
Any formulation of
“needs” is as much a value judgement as a determination of fact. According to
Buddhism, the fundamental human problem is not the technological and economic
issue of meeting all our material wants — something psychologically as well as
ecologically impossible — but the psychological and spiritual task of
understanding the nature of our own minds. Without having been seduced by the
utopian dream of a technological cornucopia, it would never occur to most
“poor” people to become fixated on fantasies about all the things they might
have. For them, their ends are an expression of the means available to them. We
are often imposing our own value judgements when we insist on seeing them as
poor. It is presumptuous to assume that they must be unhappy, and that the only
way to become happy is to start on the treadmill of a lifestyle dependent on
the market and increasingly preoccupied with consumption.” [1]
My boss and I had a conversation with one of our Liberian
staff about this very topic a month ago. He made a comment that we in the U.S.
have so much more. I agreed with him to a point – we have so much more wealth
and opportunity available to us but compared to the African culture I have
witnessed, they have so much more community and deep seeded connected-ness that what
we have in the U.S., which I personally find more valuable. Even after having
these conversations and appreciating another way of life, I always find myself
back on that treadmill.
Another blog I found gave five simple actions for peace and
contentment:
1. Show humility
2. Recognize enough: I have finally accepted my
true life is happening right now. I celebrate the accomplishments and good
things as they happen and avoid looking ahead too far for more of the same.
3. Simplify life: Give up what you don’t need
and be glad you did. (Gabs usually tries to apply this to my closet.)
4. Have real fun: Regret can be a mood killer.
We often take the serious and over-analyzed road when making decisions. It’s
good to be responsible; it’s also good to take a chance even if it entails a
big mistake. (I regret not making the water park happen this summer.)
5. Make room for quiet: You can best recognize that gut feeling that
can act as a reliable compass once you turn off all the noisy, messy distracting
sounds of life.[2]
September 12, 2015 is another day in my life. Regardless of
which green or less green hill I am on, this day is going to pass me by. Am I
going to be content in what I have? Am I going to have that sense of alive-ness
whether I am roaming the streets of Monrovia, Liberia or walking the dog? It’s
a choice that only I can make. Presently, Gabs and I have enough: jobs, a place
to live, good health, safety and each other. That is contentment.
Love your thoughts! And the new starry background :)
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