Another memory...

I am tired of dust. I am tried of bumpy roads. I am tired of being asked a thousand questions everyday. I am tired of the same routine. I am tired of the same food. I am tired of being called after and whistled at. I am tired of land cruisers. I am tired of keeping my never ending to-do list up to date and all those deadlines in my head . I am tired of excel. I am tired of the dark circles under my eyes. I am tired of being tired.

Living in Africa isn’t always an adventure. It definitely isn’t always exotic. And it most certainly isn’t filled with elephants, lions, and majestic stary nights every day. Living in Africa, definitely Congo, can be draining, mundane, and stressful. It has a knack of wearing on your mind, body, and spirit all at the same time.

This past week everything about Congo sucked ! I am creeping up on the two year mark. Most of the other NGO’s we work alongside have contracts of 3-6months. And the coping mechanism for the majority of those people is smoking or drinking their time in Congo away. Two years is unheard of and two years not under the influence is even more unheard of.

I think there must be something about being in Congo for two years. I have seen it with every foreigner who has managed to survive this long in this country. They get irritated, annoyed, bored, and just exhausted. I vowed this would never be me. I love Congo. I love my staff. I love my job (for the most part). How could I ever go down that road of complete frustration ?

This past week my frustration and irritation wasn’t my choice. It smacked me in the face. I was caught completely off guard. One day I was fine, then next day I was falling apart. I am known to be the calm, level headed, even keel, don’t show the stress person in our team. That persona was shot to hell this week. I was irritated with team mates, impatient with others, and even lashed out at the cashier at the bank.

Aside from church over the weekend, I have hibernated at home. I have hibernated in hopes that two days of the weekend would be enough to get over my slump. I also hoped that my nice house, good food, and comfortable bed would be the only things I see therefore forget where I am for 48hrs.

This afternoon I have been working on my resume. It was a good reflection and reminder to see how much I have learned and gained these last two years in Congo. The skills and knowledge I will take away at the end of all of this are invaluable : a second language, management experience, living and working in a conflict zone, and being responsible for a $6 million budget not to mentioned the amazing people I have lived and worked alongside that have not only challenged me but shown me love, grace, and endurance.

I hope and pray that when tomorrow strikes 8am on Monday morning, I will be able to remember all of the blessings this country has brought me. I will be renewed with the strength and passion that led me here two years ago. I am going to strive to have a little more grace towards this country, despite its annoying corruption that has its hand in everything. But I mostly I hope I remember that Congo, just like everywhere else in this world, has its blessings and it’s trials and its good and its bad. This week will someday too be just another memory made in the Bongo.